Last Day

Note to self:
Do not wear your favourite (work) shirt to work on your last day. Also do not wear your favourite sports bra, especially if it is grey/white.
Love, Me.

I got slimed. And yes, although K had completely gone off at us for not putting detergent in the food colouring when we were doing shaving cream last week, she did not, in fact, put any in the slime. And so I am green. Less so than I was, but still green. And my hair feels like crap.

Hugo: Love you Missy.
Everyone: Awwww!
Parents: [still chatting.]
Hugo: BYE MISSY!
Ok kid, talk to your parents, they're the ones not taking you home.

And Little Miss Syd cried. Bawled her eyes out. And started off me and T, of course. She has been saying she's going with me for like a week. Clearly not pretend. Oops. She will get over it I know. Oh my god, I miss her already. I can't believe I am going to miss out on them all growing up. I will totally have to come back, and a real job can just go fuck itself for a while.

Bunna, Grace, Rachelle, and Zoe: ruling preschool in two years' time. Can't wait.

A Week In The Life Part 3: The Final Chance to GET IT RIGHT

Monday
Me: Hop in, here's your bag. Seatbelt on. Ok, bye.
ITD*: Is this Hugo?
Me: Yes [idiot].
Him: And Jeffrey?
Me: AAARRGGHHH!!!!
(then when I've calmed down)
Me: There is no Jeffrey. There is never a Jeffrey. Just Hugo.
Him: I have to get Jeffrey after. See? 17 something.
(and that's not me not remembering, his display actually didn't tell him the rest of the address)
Me: No. There is no Jeffrey. Take Hugo STRAIGHT TO NEMARLUK. Ok?
Him: Um, ok [crazy lady].
Me: Great.

Me: goes inside thinking, "Freaking idiots".
Him: gets rightthefuck on his radio, "What's the address for Jeffrey so I can go and get him RIGHT NOW and piss off this crazy person who was FREAKING OUT."

*For those just tuning in, ITD = Idiot Taxi Driver.

And incidentally, Maria gets the same driver every time, who even gets her out of the cab and brings her inside. What can't they sort Hugo's transport rightthefuck out? Hmm? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Tuesday

Ok, so I can't remember what happened in the morning. Actually, yes I do.

He's all, "What's his name? And where's he going? Oh, [the woman from HQ on the radio] was saying something about Malak."
And I just totally shut him down. "Nope, not Malak. Definitely Nemarluk. Okay? OKAY???"
Great.

But THEN...

I had planned to go shopping for a new bag so I could pack that night. I knew Hugo was likely to be a bit after three, so I'd told vsquared I'd meet him a bit after that. (I just got to the end and realised I never finished off the shopping story, so here it is: I went shopping, found a bag, and was back in time for late snack. How awesome am I?)

So it's five after three, which is the latest he's ever been (and that had only been once, all the other times had been between five to three and three o'clock). I was waiting out in the foyer til he came, accompanied at various stages by random people on their breaks/knocking off/passing through.

At ten past, we call Nemarluk. He's already been picked up.
We call the taxi company. He's already been picked up. He should be here soon.

We wait. And wait.

We call Nemarluk again. (Why they didn't tell us he was going to be late is beyond me.)

We wait some more.

Hugo arrives at 3:40pm.
Basically fifty minutes late.
And PS: not really buying that he was picked up by ten past.

Turns out that our driver (Frank) dropped off Jeffrey (who is now his normal passenger) then went back to Nemarluk to pick up Hugo and SORK who hadn't been picked up by their random drivers. So Frank, being the good citizen that he is, took both of them, dropped off SORK, then brought Hugo here, only to be abused by yours truly.

Actually I was very restrained, especially after he explained the sitch. He even offered to become Hugo's regular driver, which as far as I know is what's going to happen.

The real kicker: D called mum specifically to let her know what happened, as The Parents hadn't arrived when D's shift was over. (Work said they'd left ages ago.) So D hung around to let them know. Mum's response? "Wow Hugo, been all over town today?"

Oh my freaking god. You know, I said not to call The Parents during the crisis, because what could they do that we weren't already. Worry? I said that we weren't doing. But y'know, next time we'll be able to, as I know it won't even stress them out.

Wednesday

OH MY FREAKING GOD! THEY FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT! I AM SO PROUD.

(Only took you two and half weeks you freaking idiots.)

Yucky Goo

I cannot believe that I didn't type this up at the time, but here it is, in all its... yuckiness.

The Three Ferals were veery late being dropped off (on my day off) which is nice, and also hilarious when we found out why.

Hugo had locked himself in the master bedroom.

They tried talking to him.
They pushed picture cards under the door to him. He counted them.
They tried a bobby pin, a credit card, a crowbar.
Hugo pushed the pictures back to them. Covered in Hugo-crap. Niiice.
They retried the crowbar. They broke the lock.
They're getting frustrated. Hugo's getting frustrated.

They use a sledgehammer.
Bye-bye door.
Hello Hugo.

Hello carpet. Hello suspicially brown carpet. All over the room.

Bye-bye Hugo.

Brrrmm

It was my scooter's last day today.

Jack, Sydney and Hugo each got one last sit on AND an actual ride on it.

I know. I'm awesome right?!

Jack: You drive me to your house now.

***

I've got Syd trained to say she's coming on a plane with me to live in Adelaide. She told the rents this PLUS added that she needs to buy a ticket. Dude, I was just going to stash you in the suitcase, or maybe have you flash that grin and get yourself on free.

***

While talking about Adelaide, Hugo had this to say:

"No Missy Adelaide. Missy and Hugo. No M Adelaide!"

Sorry kid. There's only so much room in the suitcase.

A Week In The Life Part 2

Monday
Idiot Taxi Driver: Hugo and Jeffrey need to go to Malak.
Me: Are you freaking kidding me??? This is Hugo. Take him to Nemarluk.
Him: Really?
Me: YES. Read the shirt. Hugo. Nemarluk. Got it?

Tuesday
Same thing, except this time he got a call to pick up Jeffrey from Malak and then take him and Hugo to Nemarluk.
I call mum. This is freaking ridiculous.

Wednesday
He wants to pick up Alexander (SORK) as well. NOT HERE DUDE.
And turns out the government's paying for it so now I don't really care how long they're making the trip. I still don't think they should be doing more than one kid at once. (Although dad says next term there'll be two kids from the centre going together.)

One Hugo is enough.

UPDATE:

Thursday
Jack went home straight after preschool so I get a 2hour lunch and an early mark! Which... irrelevent, but still.

Oh and on Wednesday, D said the taxi driver was just about to drive off when she went out with Hugo. He hadn't even beeped! Idiot.

So, took Hugo out. No, SOORK isn't here! Did I say that a bit forcefully? Too bad, I'm sick of this shit. So are the drivers, apparantly, judging by the huge groan this one did as he reached for his radio to tell HQ they they'd stuffed up yet again.

Oh! And! Not so irrelevent after all. As I went out to go home for my two. hour. lunch! there was a taxi waiting there. Just on the off-chance of two fuck-ups in one day, I went over to say hi. Ooh, nice cold aircon. Stay on task. Yeah, he was there to pick up Hugo. Not here buddy. The early driver got the kid. The slow driver is not a happy camper.

Friday
No Nemarluk (or actually, "Nenamyuk").
Yes taxi. Stupid stupid stupid.
Do you want another kid with that? Jeffrey maybe? Or SOOORK? Nope, just Hugo. It's a miracle.

Now let's see if next week we can't put it all together now mkay? Cheers.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

Jack had a huge-ass temp today - 39.1!!!

Did he get picked up early? No of course not.

***

He also had a male support worker in pre-school, who has an awesome British accent.

In addition to being a male role model other than dad, he also fixes toys! I knew we needed a bloke around!

Book Club

Don't you miss book club? I loved book club when I was at school. It was so awesome going through and being like, "I'll have that and that and that. Money please mum."

Hugo gets book club from Nemarluk. No we weren't snooping through his bag, it fell out of his book ok? Anyway, we stole it.

Turns out, you really can say, "I'll have that and that and that." And then you just go, "Money please creche," and voila! a brand new Bear Hunt book. And life cycle collection. And space book. And I Spy. And Magic School Bus.

And yes, a Bear Hunt book just for me!

A Week In The Life

Monday
Dad was there to help us put Hugo into the taxi for the first time as he starts at Nemarluk preschool. Hugo demanded "That one car" in loud compelling tones but Dad refused to be compelled as he shut Hugo into the taxi with the idiot driver who wasn't quite sure where he was supposed to be going. Hugo, being smarter than the taxi driver, opened the door before they'd gotten out of the car park, so I put on the child lock and they proceeded (loudly, I imagine) to Nemarluk. Hugo was fine when I got him out in the afternoon only asking for "home" a couple of times before settling down to 'play with Jack and Sydney'.

Tuesday
Hugo wanted Dad but happily counted the nuts on the tyre of the taxi while I put his seat in. He got in happily and said "bubye" so I'm thinking it's all good. Then the taxi driver asked me what his name was, and I'm thinking it's even more good. This guy's not just going to ignore Hugo the whole way blah blah optimism. Then he goes, "Where's Sophia?" Um, what? Sophia, it turns out, is meant to be going to Wanguri. I run inside to check that indeed there is no Sophia and go back outside, where Hugo says "bubye" yet again, in the tone of, 'why I am not getting away from here already?' I remind the driver a number of times that this is Hugo and Hugo needs to go to Nemarluk before sending them on their way.

Wednesday
Third verse same as the second, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.
The driver asks D if Some Other Random Kid is ready to go as well, and again, we have to inform the nice man that SORK does not even go here, that they shouldn't be sharing a cab with Hugo, and this child, the one we're paying you to transport, needs to go to Nemarluk.
And cut the smokes thanks.

Thursday
Maria, who went here for a short time and also goes to Nemarluk, gets dropped off around lunchtime. We didn't know she was coming in today but y'know, parents are crap at the whole keeping us informed thing so what the hell. Forty-five minutes later, the taxi driver is back, saying it's time for him to take Maria home now. You want us to believe you had instructions to take her from Nemarluk to creche, just for a flying visit before delivering her home. Yeah right. Get your facts straight before you go delivering kids to random addresses.

Friday
Hugo doesn't go to Nemarluk on Fridays. On a side note: are they TRYING to make it hard for us? Anyway, you guessed it, idiot taxi man showed up.

Still to come...
What happened to Sophia? Did SORK make it to school that day? How frantic were Maria's parents when she didn't arrive home at the appointed time? And can Hugo make it to Nemarluk and back on the right four days next week? Stay tuned.

They're growing up so fast

Start of the new school year.

Big Jack's off to Big School.

Nicholas will be off.

Mark will be starting with a cast on his foot. Not sure if that will suck or make him the coolest kid in his class.

Jessie will still be doing part time preschool and us.

Jack and Damon and Sian I think will be going to our preschool.

I pity the preschool teacher if perchance we actually have one.

And Hugo will be going to Nemarluk. In a taxi. Hmmm.

And I'll be starting at 8:30 instead of 9am. Sucks to be me. Except not, cos I only have two and a half more weeks before I basically say goodbye to them forever. Now that sucks.

Jackaroo

Jack is a cheeky little shit. This is what I know.

He has however, been much improved this past week, even with me, which is the real shocker.

The cheeky is still there but the listening has increased a bajillion times. If you talk to him calmly and rationally (and end in "and then we can go and play") he's been doing as we (I) ask.

It's great, and I just thought he and I needed a big shout-out for this huge step forward.

(One problem is if I call in the cavalry (T) she always makes a big deal about how he wasn't listening to me, instead of just making him do whatever he should have been doing. It's singling me out to be not listened to and I don't like it.)

Tania vs Hugo

Scene: Lunchtime.

Cast: Thousands. (Ok, so it wasn't quite. It was 16 which is as much as we ever have, and about ten more than we ever want. But it felt like it because - )

Noise: Deafening.

Menu: Pumpkin soup.

Aaaand, cue T:


T: "ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP! THRE'S ONLY ENOUGH FOR ONE SPOON EACH, SO IF YOU DROP YOUR SPOON, THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DONE. UNDERSTAND SYDNEY?! DO NOT DROP YOUR SPOONS."

*Thunderous, stunned silence from all the kids*

Broken by..

Hugo flinging his cup. It bounces to the floor just at the end of T's majestic speech.

D and I piss ourselves laughing, while all the kids are incredibly confused.

Public Service Announcements

TO: The Parents Who Pick Up Their Children Anytime Between 11:30am And 2:00pm But Especially Between 12:00 and 12:30pm.

You may not know this (especially if you just or are just about to pick up your child from the nursery) but the kids have a sleep during this time. What you may also not know (being merely parents and not professional looker-afters of kids) is that we have to put the kids the sleep when sometimes they'd rather stay awake and play or maybe cry at the top of their lungs. And we like it when they stay in Sleepy Land once they're there.

Therefore, we'd appreciate if you Shut The Damn Gate Quietly. I'm sure you're not really in that much of a rush to take your bratty sleep-deprived kid home that you can't spare an extra second to NOT SLAM IT. Also, you want to have a conversation in the foyer? Sure, go ahead. At a whisper. Or you could go into the office. Or you could take your damn kid and go. Quietly.


TO: Staff Who Work Here Who Go On A Lunch Break (ie Everyone):

You know that the kids have sleep time. You most likely just spent half an hour trying to get one of your little brats darlings to sleep. (If you haven't you should have.) When you come back, you'll want a room of sleeping darlings instead of ones hyper on not enough sleep.

SHUT THE FREAKING GATE QUIETLY.

Mkaythanks.

Update

Jack
"I can't." (Dude, yes you can.)
"You can't get me!" (Why would I want to?)
"No!" (Um, actually, yes Jack.)

Hugo
"Drains!"
"In the tunnel!"
"Missy!"
"Nonnights T."

Mark:
"My mum wiped her glasses with my booger and then it was on her and she said GROSS!"

Michael:
Dragons.

Sydney:
Heeheehee!!!

Arrogant Prick Dad:
"We're getting rid of the shape ball." (Mum: We're what?! Me: Loser.)
"You need to find a boyfriend with a car." (Are you offering me a lift home? Creep.)

I wanna be Syd

I want to be a four-year-old forever. Or Little Miss Syd.

You have to paint pictures or do collages all day. Then people say nice things about them, no matter what.

You have ride around bikes and be pushed on swings and go on bear hunts all day.

You get to sleep for two hours in the middle of every day.

You have your own personal hairdresser (which I would kill for and is the main point of my jealousy of Syd. I love people brushing my hair).

Seriously. How awesome would that be.

Incidentally, my dad is getting a prettiful calendar and Christmas card that I collaged for him all by myself at creche. He'll take it to work and be so very proud of his clever daughter.

Things I've Learned

7am is not merely a fictional device.

7am as a real time is muchly overrated.

If you begin work at 7am, the morning goes for-freaking-ever.

You do get a morning tea break though, which is nice.

A longer lunch break is over-rated. What the hell are you gonna do for the extra fifteen minutes? Nothing, that's what.

Being left alone in a playground (or a department store) is not as much fun when it seems like your parents have forgotten to pick you up.

If I swing real hard, I really can touch the shadecloth.

Things I Remember Part 1

Thinking about my own creche days:

One day I really wanted to be patted, but I assume that I went to sleep by myself or was too old to be patted or something, but no one was patting me.

Finally (probably cos I was annoying them by not going to sleep, or they got all the rowdy kids off to sleep) someone came to pat me.

BUT instead of stroking my back like I wanted (hair even would have been ok) I got a fully hard PAT on my back (or bum maybe) which was
a) nowhere near what I wanted, and
b) way more likely to keep me awake than put me to sleep.

However, I assume I had a sleep that day (but maybe not) but if I did, I feel sure it was out of self-defence so I didn't get freaking patted to death.

Cos T and I are so awesome

We're Going On A Bear Hunt!

Princess was all "I wanna go on a bear hunt." I think she just wanted some company on a walk while she pretended to look for bears but really got a personal walk with an adult, but I grabbed T and said "We're going on a bear hunt," and asked a few kids if they wanted to come and we soon had a big group following us on our hunt. Hugo came too, looking very confused at first, since he knows that the Bear Hunt book is "gooone, gooone" from the bookshelves in our room, but getting into it a bit more later.

As an aside, I know MJ doesn't like T and I hanging out together when we're outside, but since we ended up with more than half the kids tagging along with us, I think two teachers were justified and she can just bite me.

So we went

through the long wavy grass, swishy swashy
through the thick oozy mud, squelch squelch
through the deep cold river, splash splash
through the big dark forest, stumble trip
through the swirling whirling snowstorm, woooooh

until we got to the narrow gloomy cave

where we ended up at the corner of the fence where a tree is right in the corner

and they tiptoed tiptoed while I went and hid my
shiny wet nose
big furry ears
big googly eyes

until the BEAR chased them
back through everything
up the stairs
forgot to shut the door
back downstairs, shut the door, back upstairs
into bed, under the covers (ok back to the side of the shed, cowering in fear)

We're not going a bear hunt again!

Until next week cos the kids love us cos
T and I are so freaking awesome!

Hehe get it?

Hugo is lately obsessed with the drains in the sinks and bathroom floor.

Hugo: Drain.
Me: Yes Hugo it's a drain. It's dirty. Come and wash your hands please.
Hugo: Round white drain.
Me: Yes that's right.
Hugo [cos I'm not allowed to just agree]: One round white drain.
Me [cos I have to echo]: Yes Hugo, it's a round white drain. Wash hands?

Hugo: Orange drain [and absolutely cracks up laughing. And laughing. And laughing].

Cos it's not orange. But he said it was. But it's not... get it? He made a joke. It's funny. Right?

Logic

Damon, Hailey and Syd were playing under one of the tables.

M (yelling across the room, as she does): Damon! Hailey! Sydney! We don't hide under the tables.

Damon: Where can we hide then?

I'm back!

Went into work for a visit on Tuesday. They all loved me. It was very nice. Even Matthew and Rachelle who moved up from the nursery while I was gone wanted hugs, so that was a nice introduction for them and me.

Hugo is freaking amazing. "One blue plate." Oh my god. Still a cranky little shit when he hasn't had enough food or sleep. Jack is permanently a little shit. Syd is cute as hell and knows her cheeky grin forces adults to smile back, even when she's ignoring instructions.

M, the qualified in our room, annoys me, but not as much as Sh did so I guess it's ok. She does an awful lot of sitting and shouting instead of running and talking and playing and reading and laughing.

We don't have the bear hunt book or the dinosaur one in our room anymore. That's ok. I know them off by heart anyway. Hugo got all confused when I started reciting the bear hunt, telling me, "It's gooone, it's gooone." Hehe.

Three days next week.